Pardon My French

Unripe

Well, it looks like we'll be able to catch La Nouvelle Star on TV tonight after all, and we'll be checking into the hospital on Friday for a boost. Today's midwife was absolutely lovely and she clearly understands the psychology of a too-pregnant woman because she managed to find some small changes between Monday's and today's visit. Nothing all that exciting...the baby is lower and there has been a very small change in other places, but nothing that would have allowed her to give me a boost today, so to speak.

She did mention that my husband and I should continue to try our own particular method of getting things rolling and told us that midwives refer to it as "le decollage a l'italien." I don't really know how to translate that other than "an Italian lift-off," but there's a play on words involving the French for 'cervix' so a lot of the humor is lost in translation.

I feel like I'm losing my modesty and innocence by the nanosecond (pretending I had some to begin with), because starting with the 9th month all the medical visits remind me of someone fishing for their keys at the bottom of their purse. Same kind of facial expression on the seekers, except in reality they know where the keys are to be found. And there I am, flat on my back, analyzing their facial expression while biting my tongue and trying not to say "Did you find them yet? Did you find them yet? Is it the right key? IS THE KEY A GOOD ONE??" every 5 seconds. Today the midwife looked hopeful and happy, but I can't tell if she was just being encouraging or not. And don't get me wrong, I know that on Friday my most private bits will be on display to -- not to mention felt up by -- a large number of people, I imagine, so I shouldn't even pretend to care any more.

I am a little disappointed that yesterday's labor dance wasn't successful though. I put my heart, soul, back and belly into it completely (Shaking the Tree by Peter Gabriel and Youssou N'dour); I was very inspired, not to mention quite desperate. I'll try it again today and add on a very bouncy bluegrass tune. Wish me luck.